Happiness - A State of Mind or Product of Circumstances?

It’s been a long time since I last posted, but I’m called to do so again.
That last post was quite a happy one wasn’t it? I guess I’ll fill you in on what happened since then.

REWIND

If I remember correctly the relationship with my mother got quite unstable. The tensions climaxed with the convincing threat of being kicked out and having to find new homes for my pets (6 birds and a dog), it was quite a stressful period of time, or perhaps just a shocking day. There were many conflicts building up to the decision that I was to be ejected from my home, but thankfully I was able to resolve the problem the day I was given the news. The funny part about the whole thing was, as much as I was worried about myself, I was more concerned for the 6 budgies. Mother dearest said she had found a potential home for the dog so I wasn’t too worried about him, but I did not want to give those birds up. I know most people might say, “Come on now. They’re just birds…”. but somehow,

I felt that if I were to give them up, I’d be doing exactly what my mom was doing to me:
abandoning them.

More importantly however, I love them. I guess you might be wondering why I didn’t feel the same way about the dog. After all I love him very much as well. I think it might have to do with the fact that my brother was primarily responsible for him, but that’s still not a good enough reason. Perhaps it’s time I start taking better care of him as well.

Turns out my mom just needed help making the monthly mortgage payments and after some persistent questioning, she revealed she needs $250 a month from me and my brother (whose already providing) and we’ll be fine. 250$ a month? I don’t think that’s too bad at all. And I should have been helping her for a while now but I told her if she’s going to be immature about these financial situations instead of sitting whoever down and talking to them about it rationally, no one is going to take her seriously. Bad news is I still don’t have a job so the money simply came out of my overdraft. After that it seemed she was making an effort to be nice, which was odd at first but nonetheless appreciated. It was definitely better than nothing.

So it was really great for a while, maybe a week or two. And maybe I’m blowing it out of proportion but we had a minor dispute again today, and I’m already wondering,

“Do I really want to risk getting attached to her again?”

I’m so uneasy now that we had an argument and that it isn’t resolved. This is routine for her undoubtedly, but if I am to have a functioning relationship with her, I can’t do that anymore. Perhaps I’ll talk to her today before I sleep.

 (Some minutes later.)

Okay, I think that went well. We actually comprised. Bloody brilliant. It is quite exausting to work up the nerve to start conversations that seem so miniscule, but someone’s gotta do it. I feel better already, which brings me to my topic today. In my last post I brought up Verbotene Liebe and how watching that show puts me in such a good mood. However, today I started to wonder, because often after watching an episode I walk away saying, “I’m in such a good mood”, or some variation of the phrase. So is my good mood a result of a stimulus or is it also something I can consciencly control?

I think it may actually be the latter. Granted there are things that will definitely put me in a good mood, like Verbotene Liebe or a good song for example. bHowever, I think maybe those feelings I described in that first post can be recreated. At first I wondered if I should even be attempting to control my mood, but I’d say it’s important to be able to pick yourself up when you’re feeling down. And I think with all the things that have happened in my life, my mind could do without the chaos. So maybe these bad days that we’re all said to get once in a while, aren’t so mandatory after all. And maybe it’s this very saying that legitimates them! Definitely this proposition brings about a lot of questions but I understand that some answers take time to arrive, if ever.

So I did imply in my last post that I have a better idea of what to do with my life.

I’ll save it for the next post.

And again,

   
For anything and everything.